This encouragement is written by Jess Shults, Chief Partnerships Officer at The Colossian Forum.

A lot of times, the most important things are said in the hallway after the meeting ends. Why is that?

A meeting ends, the door closes, and the real conversation begins. Someone mutters what they wish they had said. Someone else vents later to a friend or spouse. And you walk away wondering why the honest words never made it to the table. If you’ve noticed this pattern in your workplace or church, you’re not alone.

We avoid honest feedback for all kinds of reasons. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. We fear conflict will make things worse. Sometimes we’ve convinced ourselves that being “nice” is the same as being loving. But these strategies only push the real issues underground, and they always resurface later, often with greater intensity.

This pattern is more than frustrating — it’s costly. When leaders avoid giving honest feedback, people stop trusting what is said in the room. Frustrations fester, and team members begin to wonder, Do they really mean what they say? Do I really belong here? Without clarity, suspicion fills the gaps. Delayed feedback usually doesn’t get easier with time. Instead, it builds pressure until it bursts out suddenly, sounding harsher than intended and leaving others surprised or hurt. Either way, the community can get hurt.

Here’s the truth: you cannot create a healthy team or relationship without learning how to give feedback. Ephesians 4:15 calls us to “speak the truth in love.” Truth without love is harsh. Love without truth is hollow. Together, they build a culture where people can grow.

Feedback is not blame. It’s shared sight. I see something you don’t. You see something I can’t. When we exchange that perspective honestly and humbly, the whole system becomes healthier. Even feedback that’s hard to hear has the potential to build up and strengthen relationships — if it’s offered with care and thoughtfulness. Here are four practices that can help feedback become constructive rather than corrosive:

• Offer clarity in love. Avoiding conflict makes love difficult..Say what you see with kindness, but don’t blur it until the point is lost. Clarity is not cruelty. It’s care.
• To is better than about. Talk directly with people, not around them. Side conversations and venting corrode trust faster than silence. Feedback builds trust only when it’s spoken face-to-face.
• Keep resentment from festering. The longer we wait, the more a story builds in our mind. Honest words, spoken promptly lighten the load for everyone.
• More positive than negative. People need to know what’s working, not just what’s broken. Frequent encouragement builds the trust that makes hard truth bearable.

Imagine the ripple effect if your workplace, family, or church became a place where feedback was safe and expected. Where people trusted that hard words would come with kindness, and encouragement would follow. In a culture like that, feedback isn’t a threat but a strength, helping people grow, deepening trust, and allowing your shared work to flourish.

This week, try one small step: give one piece of clear, kind feedback you might normally keep to yourself or say only in the hallway. Name what you see with honesty and care. You may be surprised how much clarity strengthens trust.

In a future article, I’ll share why receiving feedback with humility and openness is just as vital for creating a culture where trust and growth can flourish.

May your words this week be both truthful and kind, shaping spaces where people can grow.