Why You Keep Getting Pulled in: Understanding Relational Triangles

Have you ever found yourself pulled into someone else’s conflict?

It happens at work, at church, even in the grocery store. One moment you’re minding your own business, and the next you’re caught in the middle of a conversation that really belongs between two other people. What if, instead of absorbing stress that isn’t yours, you could learn to notice these moments and respond more healthily?

In this hope-filled episode of Leading in Practice, hosts Tanner Smith and Chase Rashad Stancle explore the hidden dynamics of relational triangles. They share stories from pastoral life, practical strategies to “flatten the triangle,” and ways to discern when you’re moving toward connection—or just lowering discomfort. Along with guest producer Sarah, they reveal how triangles can either short-circuit relationships or create surprising space for wisdom and healing.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• How to spot the difference between gossip, venting, and seeking wisdom.

• A simple practice for “flattening the triangle” and inviting the right person in.

• Why noticing your patterns can help you stay grounded instead of over-functioning.

Show Notes:

• Edwin Friedman’s “balcony vs. dance floor” metaphor from Leadership on the Line by Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky

• The Karpman Drama Triangle: victim, villain, hero roles

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